Introduction - the need.
From time to time I meet men of a range of ages who have endured the grief from the death of their father or brother.
A sense of lostness from being fatherless since his father died when he was a boy.
My own great uncle's father died when he was only 11 years of age.
I write this because I care
because I want to reach out with compassion and prayer and support.
I mentioned two observations:
1. That there is some common factor between men in long term grief and men who survived child sexual abuse (csa) and men who
survived physical or emotional abuse in Childhood.
I concluded it is unresolved trauma . My friend had unresolved grief.
2. I was sitting with another friend who's father died in his childhood. I asked myself - why is it that some of us are locked into
long term grief or "back there" when csa occurred.
He said "lack of support at the time."
Neglect. Abondonment. Denial of csa.
being told to "deal with it" or "snap out of it"
denied us the opportunity to commence our journey of grieving or recovery.
I met another young man who cried "no one cares" He had to leave before he told me the reason for his sense of abondonment.
that he mentioned his father cared and was silent about his mother
made me wonder if his mother had died or left my friend and his dad.
In any case we need to care for the motherless as well.
I have met young men whoes mother died when they were boys or teenagers.
Grieving takes time.
Sadly we live in a society where funerals are sanitised
many rightly celebrate a live
believers acknowledge that our loved one has a home in heaven
the assurance of faith in Christ
but What about our loss?
what about our feelings?
My aim is to help you to recover your process of grief
to recognise that grief is a process
initial feelings may include : denial, anger, numbness
crying in a safe place,
or with supportive, comforting friends or relatives is natural.
When my Aunt died she asked me not to cry
ok the dignity of the Funeral Service I conducted required
that I maintain my composure.
but then I needed to cry.
"It's my aunt's funeral and I'll cry if I want to"
(yes borrowed from the pop hit "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..")
I was very close to my aunt. closer than to her sister, my birth mother. It was very much like loosing my mother
After Christmas I thought - "I'm missing my aunt"
in fact sometimes I miss my Grandmother who died 30 years ago in her late eighties. It's legitimate to miss our loved ones,
especially those whos support and encouragement was invaluable.
I gather all that they imparted to me.
these things live on through us
and we have the responsability to pass them onto the next generation.
We need to be comforted by those who care.
When we are alone - to turn to God Himself to comfort us.
May I suggest Psalm 23
consider each line carefully
invite Jesus Christ, the Good Shepherd to lead us,
to comfort us through our grieving
and our adjustments.
then I would encourage each reader to move on
after a time of mourning
some "get stuck" Ask Why? were or onto what thought or idea
am I stuck?
ask - how can I be unlocked, released, set free?
pray - asking God to set you free.
Jesus said that if we continue in His word
we would know the truth and the truth will set use free.
being released is a process to work through.
being told "you are stuck" or "come back to the present"
might be needed
but we need to want to be released
and we need to know how to be released.
I am fortunate to have some very supportive relatives and friends
I know some feel abondoned.
I am writing this because I care.
I am concerned that I'm stopping abruptly
please be assurred that I am prayerfully adding further material regularly
I did a Google search on grief - feel free to do your own
to see if any articles are helpful.
I am not recomending sites I don't know who wrote them
or their philosophy
but I noticed that
Recover From Grief
When I scrolled down listed 7 stages of Grief.
others have written similar pages
Spring 2012 update - I have been researching my ancestors and have noticed the previlance of early deaths during the 1800's.
As I collate the lives of my ancestors and the deaths in mid life
I see compounded grief. a mother died, the father died, an uncle died and at least one brother died
Now I can see why I understand grieving sons.
Grieving is very important.
Buring the dead with dignity and paying respects is important.
Over time I hope to address these and other issues.
I would encourage readers to find comfort in the scriptures.
Jesus said He would send the comforter.